Alright. I'm new to this so bear with me (and forgive me if I seem a bit rigid, I'm far too used to academic writing!)

Everything we can do, the Japanese can do better (and smaller). Until now. Some American nerds at certain Massachusetts Institutes of Technology and Ivy Leaguers have one-upped the Japanese by designing sheets that fold themselves - no more papercuts! It's made of fiberglass, metal strips, silicone joints and magnets.

Scary military scientists have developed a super-duper X-ray-ish machine that can see through buildings, packaging and - wait for it - clothing from a mile away. This news has met with some approval from people who don't like receiving bombs in the post, and horror from pretty much everyone else, because like all technology, it will probably be used for evil. 

Some people in Hong Kong have made the first 3D IMAX porn movie. Remember when your grandma told you that too much playing with yourself would make you go blind? Well, now it could be a reality! It will be called "3D Sex and Zen" and has already been banned in prudish China.