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What Stares Back When You Look in the Mirror? a personal blog

Posted by: dumbass

Tagged in: Untagged 

dumbass

“At the top of this time line,

Who will remember.

This is the lipstick on the collar.

And in my own life, I’ve seen it

In the mirror,

Sometimes at the cost of

Others hopes.

With these words back down…

We have burned the village…

Still we all sing sing tonight

This is what you wanted”

                                    Thursday: Autobiography of a Nation

 

What do you see when you look at yourself square in the eyes on the mirror?  What do I see?

I see only my reflection.  I see only what I will allow myself to see.  And when I turn to walk away, I catch an alarming glimpse of what I truly am and I am forced to turn back and look again.  If I were to stand before that mirrored glass and see before me my entire life, I will be scared to death.

All the things I have done, all the words I have said.  So many people I have unknowingly, and still worse, knowingly hurt.  How can I so calmly smile back at that reflection?

 

at the cost of others hopes”

 

How many people have I failed, have I let down?  How many people no longer hope in me?  I back down, I hide from what I see, vowing never again to face my reflection in the mirror and I crawl back to the comforts of an uncomprehending simple reflection of my face and not the comprehending one of my heart.  And yet as I look again, I feel some kind of hope, like a passing shiver.  A mirror can never offer a true reflection of what we really are.  It can only offer us what we see, what I see, and not what everybody else sees.  Only I know the full depth of what my reflection conceals.  Only I know how to keep up my façade.  Only I know.

And so I will turn away, back down, knowing that I have seen my life in the mirror, knowing the hopes I have cost others, but knowing too that there are people who love me despite what I see and so I can walk away raising up the words of hope which force me to smile.

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