Justin Bieber, teen sensation, money making tool for a crew of rich folk, I believe is a corporate conspiracy, as he has so much autotune on his voice, I refuse to believe this is natural talent. I have come up with a conspiracy theory, that all started online!
An annonomys person who has lots of money, but was greedy for more, contacted Scooter Braun (poor sad bugger did a wiki on himself) and told him of his plan to find a kid, who was addicted to attention, who would grow hair he could flip, and be the perfect teen prince, for a bunch of raging hormonal teenage girls. His hair must be perfect, and he must have no puppy fat on him. Whether he could sing or not wasn’t a problem, because there is always autotune. Annonomys Rich Man (ARM) then paid Scooter by the hour to scout YouTube, and Justin was discovered. At first his mom said “NO, that’s my child”, but then she was shown a cheque for millions of dollars, and she prayed with elders, and just went with it. ARM then paid Usher a few million to appear to be the boys “mentor”, and then by the grace of fake music, Justin became a star. He roped in millions of dollars, and has constant climbing charts. I also am convinced to keep his 16 yr old voice so high, they put oestrogen into his McDonald’s – thus no facial hair too.
Every kind of merchandise for this little cash cow has been made, including his recent autobiography. I wonder, is he recalling his birth, because isn’t he too young to have an autobiography?
So what does my conspiracy theory have to do with the digital world? My response, is everything. If I think back to when I was curious about Bieber Fever, I recall being told he had millions of hits on YouTube. I thought that I’d stumble upon a male version of Charlotte Church, until I heard “Baby”. ‘Send this one back to the Mickey Mouse club”, I thought. I envisioned this little boy bouncing around, with oversized pants and a back to front cap, and my heart sank. Where were the other talented kids around the world’s opportunities? I suppose they just did not fit the mass market appeal. Perhaps their hair was too curly, or they had one kilogram too many? So they chose someone to autotune, and turned his life upside down. A once skateboarding kid, must now hold the burden of thousands of people’s bank accounts. And when he’s older, he’s going to wonder why.
Sure he made money, and he got fame. But did he dream of this as a child? The internet has made him an idol. When I saw him on Oprah the other day, I wondered what was going through his head. He looked confused by the screaming girls, who’s hormones were excessively all over the place because of their sugar high.
My same thought process lies with the likes of Lady Gaga. She is idolised, but all she is, is a repetition gone wrong. My hope for the future is that the music industry returns to it’s routes. Where even the geeky violinist down the road, gets some acclaim. She will need no image make over, as her music will be beautiful enough.