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The Justin Bieber Digital Conspiracy

Posted by: The Pianist

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The Pianist

Justin Bieber, teen sensation, money making tool for a crew of rich folk, I believe is a corporate conspiracy, as he has so much autotune on his voice, I refuse to believe this is natural talent.  I have come up with a conspiracy theory, that all started online!

 An annonomys person who has lots of money, but was greedy for more, contacted Scooter Braun (poor sad bugger did a wiki on himself) and told him of his plan to find a kid, who was addicted to attention, who would grow hair he could flip, and be the perfect teen prince, for a bunch of raging hormonal teenage girls.  His hair must be perfect, and he must have no puppy fat on him.  Whether he could sing or not wasn’t a problem, because there is always autotune.  Annonomys Rich Man (ARM) then paid Scooter by the hour to scout YouTube, and Justin was discovered.  At first his mom said “NO, that’s my child”, but then she was shown a cheque for millions of dollars, and she prayed with elders, and just went with it.  ARM then paid Usher a few million to appear to be the boys “mentor”, and then by the grace of fake music, Justin became a star.  He roped in millions of dollars, and has constant climbing charts.  I also am convinced to keep his 16 yr old voice so high, they put oestrogen into his McDonald’s – thus no facial hair too.

 Every kind of merchandise for this little cash cow has been made, including his recent autobiography.  I wonder, is he recalling his birth, because isn’t he too young to have an autobiography?

 So what does my conspiracy theory have to do with the digital world?  My response, is everything.  If I think back to when I was curious about Bieber Fever, I recall being told he had millions of hits on YouTube.  I thought that I’d stumble upon a male version of Charlotte Church, until I heard “Baby”.  ‘Send this one back to the Mickey Mouse club”, I thought.  I envisioned this little boy bouncing around, with oversized pants and a back to front cap, and my heart sank.  Where were the other talented kids around the world’s opportunities?  I suppose they just did not fit the mass market appeal.  Perhaps their hair was too curly, or they had one kilogram too many?  So they chose someone to autotune, and turned his life upside down.  A once skateboarding kid, must now hold the burden of thousands of people’s bank accounts.  And when he’s older, he’s going to wonder why.

 Sure he made money, and he got fame.  But did he dream of this as a child?  The internet has made him an idol.  When I saw him on Oprah the other day, I wondered what was going through his head.  He looked confused by the screaming girls, who’s hormones were excessively all over the place because of their sugar high. 

 My same thought process lies with the likes of Lady Gaga.  She is idolised, but all she is, is a repetition gone wrong.  My hope for the future is that the music industry returns to it’s routes.  Where even the geeky violinist down the road, gets some acclaim.  She will need no image make over, as her music will be beautiful enough. 

 

Comments (7)Add Comment
riiaan
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written by riiaan, September 09, 2010
I think this is also the case for avril lavrigne (how do you spell that name).

Marketing people spot a gap in the music market and then put a band together to take advantage of that market segment.
OS GIKEN
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written by OS GIKEN, September 10, 2010
Its ALL that, lol look how Christina Agulara, how do you spell that name? Did you see her "not the same anymore" video and listen to the lyrics? Is this the NEW in thing? TO be weird and almost cult like subliminal images? I don't listen to their music anymore...lol, I ahve gangstar rap in my car...dats all i listen to, real stuff...not mass media hype crap, Justin Bieber cannot sing, it will be another child star that will lose his appeal once he reaches 19 or 20...then they'll look for another child star, who's younger this time...lol, look at Hannah Montanah, lol...wearing skimpy clothes etc...they are ALL falling for media trickery!
thenack
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written by thenack, September 10, 2010
As a genral rule, just to be safe, never listen to pop music. This basically removes all radio stations from the list, 5FM sucks, Radio backveranda is flouw, highveld is very, wel, generic.

Only station that plays cool stuff is TUKSFM. ACDC, Linkin Park, Billy Talent, Huewels Fantasties all while I was driving to work this morning
photonz
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written by photonz, September 10, 2010
I think the state of pop music today (yep, I'm generalising) is a good reflection of what happens when the suits take over any industry. The sad thing is that people actually fall for it and buy the stuff.
The Pianist
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written by The Pianist, September 10, 2010
As a musician, this kind of corporate nonsense stops me from making a living off what i'm best at, unless I fit the image.
barrmar
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written by barrmar, September 10, 2010
We had a golden age of pop music in the sixties and seventies where real musicians performed and innovated.
Then came the Sex Pistols. I had the misfortune of being at their debut gig. The audience was very unimpressed, and Rotten was heard to say "your're a f*cking terrible audience." This bunch of talentless louts were unable to tune their guitars, let alone play a single chord. However, with huge amounts of "production" (including studio musicians en mass) the record company was able to produce records that could be sold.
The selling was all on image and attitude. The beginning of punk, or how to turn unemployable louts into multi-millionaires and make even more for the record companies.
It was a very sad day for music.
Doolally
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written by Doolally, September 11, 2010
LOL You're article really made smile. I don't listen to music unless it is as my son puts it 'real music'. If I can't hear the instrument being played I don't consider it music. The same goes for peoples voices. Some people just don't know how to use their voice.

The first time I heard 'Baby' I thought it was one of those Jackson 5 things they had cleaned up for radio (really). Justin Biemers voice to me sounded like Michael Jackson's when he was about 8! So I think your theory might just be on the button...smilies/cheesy.gif

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