Posted by: archived_user on Jun 07, 2011
Heart beating wildly, Jo logged on and looked around to make sure she was alone with her thoughts. She loved this time of night, just the clocks ticking, the sound of the house settling around her, far away traffic noises from the main roads rumbling in the background of her mind.
She was nervous and excited, all at once. Would he be there? What if he wasn't?
The system took her straight to her news feed and she swallowed hard. He'd been here, was busy in the feed. 15 minutes ago? No! Would he still be here? Was he looking for her too, she wondered and clicked the chat box open to talk to him.
"Hello Nothing Man" she said, using his nick instead of his name "May I steal away your midnight hours again tonight?". She hit the enter button and her heart stopped, frozen in time, as she waited for his green light to show that he was typing a reply.
Holding her breath for an eternity that ended 4 seconds later when his reply came through, she exhaled with delight. "THERE you are!" he said, and the light inside of her shattered into a rainbow that spread a grin across her face as her heartbeat raced to a crawl. "I spent a week away from you last night" she said, and thought with aching longing of whether his breath would catch in his throat at her comment.
"Jo" he said "why are you here? Are you working? Its Saturday night you know?" And she answered without hesitation "Im here because YOU are. I only came looking for you". Dammit how was it that he could make her feel this ... this lust? this hope? this smile? ... just by being here.
"I came looking for you earlier" he said "and was very disappointed when I couldn't find you". She typed a smiley at his comment but sat grinning at her pc like an idiot. Should she tell him? "I looked for you earlier too" she said "and felt cheated when you weren't here. Couldn't stop thinking of you all day, and counted the minutes til I could get back on".
This sounded so damn corny, at best! He must think she was a raving lunatic, some stalker he would never be able to get rid of, no doubt. She told herself that she would not get upset at his reply, no matter what it was. He was entitled to his opinion, even if it might hurt her. And besides, she would only have herself to blame if it came to that. She really should know better! Especially on an adult site like this!
"I thought of you all last night" he replied, and she took a big gulp of air as the relief flooded her veins and pumped life back into her broken soul. "Ah Nothing Man" she said sadly "what a silly pair we make, dont we?" and hit enter.
"Yes, we do" he said "hahahaha". Was it possible to feel relieved and sad, all at once, she wondered, as the conversation turned to more everyday things. A long time later he said "Jo, I have to go now" and she realised that he had finally noticed the clock.
"Im useless at saying bye" she said "Cant do it. You have to log off". She waited for him to acknowledge and log off. He said instead "You were right. This IS fun! But now ... its 24 hours later and Im hooked on you. Do you see why this is cheating, Jo? It makes us ask 'what if' questions of ourselves".
She whispered "yes" into the empty room but her heart screamed "No!" ... She took a leap of faith "What if," she said "you call me when you get here one day?" and he laughed as the tension passed. They said their goodbyes and she waited for his dot to turn to grey, indicating that he was now offline.
She typed one last line, knowing that he might only see it the next time he logged on. "Please. Im staring at your name waiting for the dot to go grey and feeling lost already. Please dont say anything. I just wanted to tell you".
She sat staring at the screen for the longest time after he had gone, half convinced he would come back, knowing he couldn't, wondering if he wanted to. As the clock struck 2am, she slowly stood up and went to bed.