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Farm attack gone right thanks to Leon Schuster.

Posted by: Twar

Tagged in: satire , news , leon schuster , farm attack , farm , crime


“I’m going to shoot you,” 77-year-old Louise Jacobs warned her attacker. After having watched Leon Schuster's newest film "Schuks Tshabalala's Survival Guide to South Africa" she had been fully prepared for anything coming her way.

The attacker, who presumably didn't know she was a Shucks trained assassin, did not heed her warning and continued to swing his gun around the house, trying to both impress and frighten her with his "mad gun skillz".

Mrs. Jacobs did not hesitate, and fired a shot at the intruder. The intruder was heard screaming: "Eish, this mad woman has a bigger gun than us, run!" and they left screaming and running like little girls. It was later discovered that one of the men dropped his 5th edition collectable barbie doll as he was fleeing.

Mr. Jacobs had been in town at the police office, reporting a theft that happened three nights before the attack. It is suspected that it was the same attackers who were "checking out the scene" one police man said.

While he was at the police office his wife called him, informing him that she was just attacked, but that the Schuks movie had saved her life with the handy survival tips for South Africans. "If it wasn't for that movie, I would never have been prepared for a situation like this. Thank God for Leon Schuster!".

Her husband raced home while police helicopters, with SWAT teams watching Schuks' movie in them, and police vans, also equipped with the self defence device, followed suit. Once they got there they arrested a 33-year-old suspect that was found in the area. 

When the suspect found out about Mrs. Jacobs's experience with the movie, it was reported that he said that it "all made sense now" and that "that movie has been nothing but trouble to criminals"

Defence Minister, Ms Lindiwe Sisulu, upon hearing many success stories, has launched an awareness campaign encouraging all South Africans to watch this "life saving movie". Many critics say that the self defence learned in the movie is useless, and that Mr. Schuks is taking advantage of the misleading name of the movie to convince ignorant foreigners, who believe that crime in South Africa is survivable, to watch his movie. It is also suspected that he has paid the media to promote his movie as a must see to everyone in South Africa in order to survive. 

Mrs. Jacobs, who has recently become a millionaire for reasons she doesn't want to disclose, swears that this is all racist lies, and that the movie is the only reason that she is alive today.

Police are still searching for the other suspects.

Comments (3)Add Comment
written by Twar, August 19, 2010
Just in case you didn't notice, this is satire..
written by Twar, August 19, 2010
Here is the story it is based upon:[_id]=46001
written by RIC007GP, August 21, 2010
The original story is nearly as good as your one. smilies/grin.gif It's great to see ordinary citizens taking their protection into their own hands. She is lucky she didn't kill any of them otherwise she would have been held up for murder.

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