Posted by: ShackledMuse on Jul 10, 2011
I'm about to share the most embarrassing tale of my life to date. The humiliation is so painful, I'm only going to submit one entry...
So let me get you up to speed.
The year was 2007.
How old does that make me, 24? A 24 year old who cant drive.
(My parents parents agreed to teach me after I got my learners, and I wanted to learn all the in's and out's before I got the learners. So, after a stubborn stand off that lasted from my 17th year on this earth, till halfway through the 22nd, I decided to just do it on my own.)
I enrolled for the learner's exam thing, and passed. But still couldn't drive. And didn't have a car to my disposal to learn. A few months passed. 16, to be exact. My learner's was going to expire soon so I made arrangements for Driver's Test to take place at the end of May.
That left me with little over a month for driving tests. I managed to squeeze five tests in before the dreaded D day. I passed. Got my license. And didn't touch a car's steering wheel for the next three years.
Now as most of you know, I moved in with Mikezilla in February 2010.
November 2010 came, and Mr. Zilla had to leave for Nigeria for 2 weeks. This meant I had to go to and from work on my own. Let me clarify: DRIVING to and from work. In a car. On my own. In Joburg traffic.
Mr. Zilla had two weeks to refresh my driving memory. After work and on weekends, we went driving. In the parking lot at Shoprite at first. Then the route to work. And back home.
And then he left. I was on my own.
Ok, that was embarrassing enough, but here it gets worse...
It was a warm and sunny Friday. I decided to go to Westgate Mall after work. So I went, found entrance 4, which was quiet when you approached it from Discovery suburbia instead of the very scary Ontdekkers.
I had dinner, watched a movie, and at 22H00, I was ready to go home. So I sat in the car, in the parking lot, and quickly googled a route home. Now I could take Ontdekkers, but I have this irrational fear of traffic... So I decided to go back the way I came. Through Discovery suburbia...
If only I knew...
Somewhere I took a wrong turn. Half an hour later I realized the car was struggling. Because I'm not used to driving uphill, and suddenly I found myself surrounded by big houses on very very a steep hill. I pulled over and got google maps out again.
Apparently, I was in Roodekrans. Somehow, I managed to cross Ontdekkers. Unfortunately I didn't have any voice navigation to my disposal, and I'm really "rigting be-###" (like we say in Afrikaans)
Google maps told me how to get home, but I no idea in which direction home was. So I kept driving.
At some point, I pulled up in a drive way. Not my way drive way. The Watch Tower Bible And Tract Society of Jehovah's Witnesses. Which is ironic, but I'll explain it later.
I was on my way again. Driving and driving and driving. If I had a Tom Tom, I would've been home within 10 minutes. Thats how far google maps said I was from home. 10 minutes. Somehow, that turned into 2o minutes.
Finally, I found Christiaan de Wet. Now I know that C De Wet will take me home. From De Wet, I'll eventually find Golf Club Terrace, and from there Bob's your auntie's husband.
Somewhere I took a wrong turn again. Drove through Hamberg eventually. All along the railway line. I KNEW that the raillway line passes home. So if I just stay on that track, I'd reach some familiar spot eventually.
So I kept going, and going, and going, and going.
Now, just for fun, lets play a little guessing game.
Remember, I left the Westgate Parking lot at 22Hoo. The time was now 00H00. Take a guess where the little road next to raillway line took me to?
The WESTGATE PARKING AREA I left 4 hours earlier...
The exact same parking area. After four hours of mindless driving.
Needless to say, I decided to take Ontdekkers, and I was home 10 minutes later.
Now, if I had a Tom Tom, I would've been at home by 22H10, and warmly cuddled up in bed by 12....