The paralyzer report

The world of movies,politics,religion and everything else through the eye of paralyzer
Aug 19
2009

More on vaginas; does it realy make you a woman?

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Paralyzer
Following onto the Sources blog about vaginas and sports ,I got a bit intrigued about the notion of sex operation and the politics of it. A day or so ago we (the wifey and myself) were watching I want to work for Diddy. Were one of the contestants is a transsexual. At first I thoughtshe was just a lady fullstop ,until she spoke and I looked closely at her shoulders. Now I was wondering, with time, as cosmetic surgery gets better should guys be content with the logic if she has a vagina ,therefore that person is a lady and has always been a lady? Some guys ,even though they have the long hair, nails and the boobies and everything, you can still tell that they were once guys. Yet the are some guys once they had the sex operation, it’s perfect. Now do the guys who might end up dating this individual have a right to know the person was once a guy? Does it matter? Is it ethical if that person withhold such information? Hey no one asks guys if they’ve always been guys or did the have a sex op? Do they!?
 
Mmmh it makes my mind boggle. The dating scene is something else, How does one handle all this? Do you become picky about who you kiss? Do you get a full bio’ plus birth certificate before you even reach 3rd base? Or it’s all about love and people don’t care if the person was a guy until he was eleven or two?
 
Living in a postmodern world throws you curveballs that would make my old grandfathers head spin for weeks on end. I’m old fashioned, I like knowing what I’m getting myself into came from the baby factory as a woman but does that matter to all other guys? Are you of the opinion if she has a vagina and she’s willing to give it up ,you don’t care where it comes from, you’ll oblige none the less. Or the vagina is not the be all and end all to everything, it’s about the person? Mmmmh, what’s your say?
Aug 18
2009

Who needs family?

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Paralyzer
Traditionally, I mean in Bantu speaking communities in Mzansi, family tends to be made up by your parents, your uncles, aunt, grandparents, your second cuz, your mom’s cousin etc. When you get married or are laid to rest, all these “bblood relatives” play important roles,asde for coming and eating your food. Your uncles negotiate your lobola, they help with funeral arrangements and throughout your little stay on planet earth the aunts and uncles act as surrogate fathers and mothers. When you misbehave at school and your old man does not have the vitamin to slap you into place , you are guaranteed there will be an uncle whose very happy to oblige. When you are short of a grand or two to pay off your school fees and your mom can’t help, there’s also an uncle who will make sure that he’s mshana gets a tertiary education. Hence they always get the big piece of meat when they visit , the VIP table at family events and the right to wipe their chicken fat stained hands on your head as a kid. But of late it seems those type of uncles are diminishing and the aunts are too busy looking after their own homes, to worry about helping the niece/nephew out , or is it?
 
What happened to our aunts and uncles to abandon their duties, is it Selfishness? Greed? Recession? Cause these days the aunty’s and uncles are happy to take up the ceremonial roles at festivities and be revered but when it comes to get their hands dirty, like the government they are know where to be found. Try to say this to an uncle  “Yo uncle I need cash for stationery” and he will probably answer “ you cousins need cash for stationary too, doesn’t your father work?”. Which will be a gentle hint for you to stop pestering them. It’s not that in the old days the uncles were more well off than now,it was the same thing ,but they held up their end of the stick.
 
So if uncles and aunt are not filling their duties,should they still get the big piece of meat and the ceremonial authority? I’d say yes, cause in life ,money and material things are not everything. It helps if you have it, if you have access to it, the more the better. Uncles and aunt also function to help in lending advice, to guide and help in molding ones character. Take my uncles for example, they may not have always been there for me financially but when I look back on my upbringing I can see the positive impact they’ve had on me. Some of my quirks I’ve picked up from them. I ended up in my field due to the influence from one. I remember countless times my aunts and uncles making sure I join progress that would later benefit me as an adult like the pathfinders, teaching me how to drive and swim.
 
Just because one does not have the cash does not mean one can’t be a great uncle or aunt. I have the fun loving uncle, whose good for a great time, the wise uncle who I can count on when I need advice, my older sister type of aunt who I can talk to her about girls and stuff, my surrogate mother aunt (whose always mothering me), my hip and with it aunt ( who is always the heart of the party) and my rational aunt ( who can gently lead me in the right direction), my bible bashing aunt ( who makes sure I never forget about the second coming). At times I feel I used to feel entitled to a lot of things, like my uncles had signed a contract with me on my birth that they will do 1,2,3, for me but it’s only when I grew up that I realized what they did ,they did out of love for my mom and for me. With only blood that connects us ,my aunts and uncles have made sure we have a relationship that keeps us together, that stretches from a time before I was even born. When they can’t do something its not because they are failing in their duties but they just can’t, and that’s okay, they are human as .I am not entitled to anything, what is freely given out of love is freely received .So who needs family; we all do cause where else can individuals shower unconditional love to each other more ideally than in a family set up, be a source of encouragement, pride, joy and belonging. The bigger, the better. In this case size does matter ( okay we all know its not the size it’s what you do with it)
Aug 17
2009

Things we do for money ; is there a limit?

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Paralyzer
Now it all happens to us,either you want that HD PVR or the plasma,or you getting hitched and you need extra cash or you want ("need") those hot new wheels.But you can't afford it or you don't have enough cash flow to keep you floating above this tsunami called the recession. Then crazy ideas start popping into your head ,from selling your entire dvd collection, to breaking into the next door neighbours who are to old to run after you.To making a home-made porno and selling it on the internet with your face blurred. Crazy ideas that come to you just to make that moolah.Do people ever follow through with them and where do they land you?

I bet most small time  crooks start that way, " I need cash.I'll break into an old ladies house and I'm sorted".Next thing you are in sun city and Papa Action wants you for lunch and supper.But then guys who do "think out of the box" in search of little cash have buld empires .Guys like Bill Gates and Richard Branson.But I guess what set them apart is the fact that ,what they did was legal and ethical.Plus it took time for it to pay up.I bet Bra Gibb at the corner with his fancy shirts ,did not have to wait to get his shine on.

I guess the short cuts, are always the tricky ones and leave one open to all sorts of ideas thatmight embarrass you in a couple of months or years.Or am I not thinking "outside the box". Mmmmmh,so which are quick, LEGAL and ETHICAL ways to make a quick buck,you guys on MYDL are a smart bunch so dish.I want that HD PVR...did I say want. I meant need.You can tell santa you were a good girl/boy cause you helped Mr.P get his HD PVR before xmas bonus time.You never know he might just give you an HD PVR too for being a good girl/boy.sweet.
Aug 17
2009

zuma 100 days in office : farce or genius?

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Paralyzer
The prez aka jiggaman has been in office for 100 days and what has to show for it?So far it's been promises, appointments, unncessary renaming excercises, creation of "new" ministry's that could actually function as department within some of "old" ministries that used to exist.All this with the public applauding and gulping it up,and here lies the genius of the man. He can seemingly do anyhting and the public will be behind him.

Although the man still has not really spelled out what his 'new' administration is all about; Madiba had the RDP and reconciliation , Thibos had African renaissance and BEE.Jiggaman has .....well we don't really know cause he is still to spell it out for us. Early signs seem to be hinting at corruption and cleaning up government.Which is very ironic since he took office under a cloud of corruption hanging over his head. Since then we've seen the final death of the scorpions being replaced by the Hawks ,who have no media presence whatsoever.One can not tell that we have a new "super policing unit",maybe its still earlydays for the Hawk to show their claws but so far they might be called the doves the way their so quiet.
 
We have a new police commisioner, Bheki Cele ,it's still too early to measure the mans impact on crime and the public. Then we had Sexwale sleeping in people's shack and Dikgang Mosenke being skipped over for the Chief Justice position.Oh the service delivery strikes,but thats been here since the apartehied years so I can't only wholeheartedly put it on jiggaman shoulder.

At the heart of Jiggaman 100 days are lessons in how to keep the left happy; give them a ministrel position, hand them a gorvenor they can approve off and most of all don't air your dirty laudry in public.I can't remember the last time I saw Vavi on tv complaining, during the years of Thibos he was a tv celebrity our Vavi.Always makng the news.Aside from the service delivery protests,it seems everyone has taken a life continues approach to jiggaman's reign.The big question is ,after 5 years when we look back,what will we say?Will we see an improved poice system, a hotline to the president that actually works and gives result, a steady and growing economy, a less corrupt Mzansi? Questions that can only be answered in 5 years time.
Aug 17
2009

District 9 makes it to the number one spot

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Paralyzer
District 9 is officially the number one film at the american box office. The film made $ 37 million in it's first weekend at the American box office.The film was made for 30 million, this means the guys have recouped all production cost all in one weekend.This is even before the film is released internationally, so you know that Bloomkamp and Jackson are smiling all the way to the bank and it means that Halo movie might just happen.Cause if they've made so much now,wait until the international release ,this might be the second biggest sleeper hit of 2009 after the Hangover.

This is really positive stuff for the film and filmmakers,cause if they crack the american market the world will follow,just like they did with the Matrix and Iron Man.These films did very well in the US and were phenomenal outside uncle sam territory.Great American hype is still good for local box office take.Flicks like District 9 show that there is an audiance for something more than just random big explosions and hopefully this will make hollywood wake up a bit and stop churning ot one dimensional stories without a plot that makes sense.

District 9 comes home on 28 August 2009 ,so lets get behind our fellow South Africans ( and enjoy Jo'burg on celluloid).
Aug 14
2009

District 9 is certified fresh

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Paralyzer
District 9 the alien sci -fi actioner based in Johannesburg has scored 93 % on the tomatoer metre.Meaning, it has recieved 93% positve critics from 69 critics who are tracked by rottentomatoes.com .Thats an average of 7/10 cause it only 5 negative review from the 74.This is great news cause good reviews tend to produce good earnings at the box office, will District 9 make it to the number 1 at the american box office by the end of the weekend? We will find out on monday.

Factors for District 9 making it to number one are
1. The uniqueness of the tale.Honestly how many sci -fi stories are set in Mzansi ,with major budgets.Using South African iconography, people and history to tell a sci - fi actioner.Not a lot.
2. It's produced by Peter Jackson. Having Mr.Lord of the Rings endorse and produce it,you know it must be good. Weta did a great job on the effects on the LOTR movies,why should they disappoint now.
3. It's a thinking man sci - fi with action.That formula worked for the matix,the blade runner and the early star trek movies. After the junk food like actioners that Sci -fi genre has been producing from Transformers 2 to all those comic book movies with all brawn and no brain.It will be refreshing to get something with subtext out of this genre.
4. The nerds love it.Comic con had major love for this movie.Just like the nerds pushed Iron man and the Dark knight last year,I believe District 9 could be pushed to the top by some serious nerd love.

Cases against District 9 not making it to number are ;
1 .It's based in SA. Americans and the world may not be interested in aliens in Africa. They are used to seeing them in the US and everywhere else than Africa. The accents might be hard  for them to get a grip on.They may be issues of relating to what may seem as 'foreign' characters that they have to identfy with.
2. The film has no big name director or big name star. American love their stars.They love watching big name stars doing their thing.This flick has none of that.It does not even have a big name star director to attract the auter lovers or a big name to attract the teen market.
3. The R rating.The R rating which is bascally an 18 / older age restriction.Will limit the audiance pool for the film. It might also turn the ladies away ,who may want something with less gore ,guns or shocking.

Yet I believe in the American and world public,that we( and they) are tired of half baked sci -fi stories that make no sense,that don't have proper written characters, that offer no pathos or carthasis or even a decent plot thread. District 9 delivers on all these and more.It's not just interested in blowing stuff up, or pulling visual effects but it has a story that uses blowing stuff up,visual effects, great themes and an interesting premise to tell an engaging story.I'll be keeping my finger crossed for this one,come monday I hope I see it on the number one spot.Cause if it makes it to number one in the US,the world is it's oyster.
Aug 13
2009

Mokwining Nhlapo : In memorial

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Paralyzer

The Deputy Director General in the Department of Communications Mokwining Enoch Nhlapo passed away last week in a tragic car accident that took his life and that of his four kids. Mokwining was well known within the DOC and was a key supporter and champion of the Presidential National Comission on Information Society And Development that was responsible for programmes such as the Presidential International Advisory Council, the National Digital Repository, the language portal amongst many. The comission aim is aimed at gearing South Africans to be a partaker in the information world both at the business level and at social level, that we are not left behind by the digital divide as a country .

He's memorial was held at Hatfield Christian Church today in Pretoria and was attended by Members of the DOC such as the Minister of Communications General Siphiwe Nyanda, school children ( from the various schools that the kids went to) and the general public.Harold Mathabathe one of the Deputy General at the DOC made a heartfelt message reminiscing on the character of the man,espicially the juvial nature that was the man. The headmaster of  Hatfield Christian school read different messages posted on one of the young girls facebook wall written by fellow student. Whilst the Minister tried to reassure Mrs.Nhlapo who was the sole survivour of the accident that killed most of her family members.

Mokwining joined the PNC on ISAD in 2002  as a director of Research and quickly rose up on the ranks to Chief Operations Officer in 2005 and Deputy Director General 2008. Mokwining was only 41 years old at the time of his passing, his kids Nonhlanhla (13), the twins Thokoza and Ntokozo (8) and the last born Zanele ( 1 year 9 months) . The family met with the tragic accident on their way to Free State during the previous long weekend. Mokwining is survived by his wife,daughter, a grand child and five sisters.The funeral will be held on Saturday in Fouriesburg Free State at 8am.



Aug 07
2009

Watch out for District 9

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Paralyzer
Aliens in Jo'burg. Not the ones that jump fences but the flying saucers type. Nigerians making shaddy dealings with them; food for "alien technology".Locals calling them "prawns".Aliens in segregated townships with sections of the city being strictly for Humans,Welcome to Blomkamp's District 9, a sci-fi film shot and based in Jozi. It hits our theatres on the 28 August whilst the US on the 14th August. Produced by Peter Jackson aka Mr.lord of the rings , the film marks Mzansi first major entry into the mainstrean Sci -Fi  genre , and man is the hype building in the US for this.

What hype am I talking about,if you've been following comic - con , you would know that the flick blew the american geeks away.Which is always a good sign cause most flicks that do well at comic con ala the first Iron man ,Dark Knight and 300 go to break records because they get very good word of mouth which is better than anything a critique can write.And District 9 went out and did exactly that. Plus a standing ovation.

Directed by Neil Blomkamp, a South African born canadian director ,who immgrated with his parents to Canada in his late teens. The film sees this boy wonder, who was already doing visual effects at the age of 16, come full circle by realising his short film into a full on feature ,which will be distributed internationally by Sony.Now thats perserverance.Early reviews are great,the film is still scoring 100% on the tomatometer but the definite meter will be the readig after its opening friday once every other critic has seen it. So far the net is abuzz with the story, due to it's uniqueness. I think people are tired of having Aliens in america.The tensions of telling such a story in post apartheid South Africa with its own xenophobia issue could have not come at the right time. Although the piece is not overtly political,given our past ,it gives this sci - fi some weight, layers and textures to play with.Something that might give District 9 Blade Runner and La Jetti street cred in the Sci -fi universe. Which will be great.

lets hope it does well and gives more opportunity to stories based in Mzansi to make it to the big screen.It just goes to show ; you can dream big and still make it.

Aug 07
2009

Louis Theroux : Law and disorder in Johannesburg

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Paralyzer

Hands up, all those who watched "Louis Theroux:  law and disorder in Johannesburg on BBC K last night".As you guys know I live in jo'burg town,in Newtown to be more appropriate, hillbrow is about 20 minutes walk from where i live. watching the doccie you'd think the entire town is run down.But it aint.Hillbrow is bad but every major city has its 'bad areas',London has its brixton ,New York has it's Baltimoore and Projects , Joburg has it's Hilbrows and "tough townships". Although it seemed Louis Theroux angle was just to uncover how bad the crime situation is in jozi and how the security guards /companies are complicit in making matters worse.And man did he uncover.

From dire conditions of hijacked buildings,the same San Jose that was used in Yizo Yizo 3, now looks worse of, to Diepsloot mob justice gone wrong. To gun-ho security guards in hillbrow,to interviews with hardned criminals telling their gory tales of brutality. Big bad Jozi was splashed out in colour for the world to watch and condemn.It's there ,we live with it and im not going to deny it. We have a lot of hardened criminals true,and a flawed and corrupt police system is not making things any easier.How many major cities are having issues with the same thing; rampant poverty,corrupt police officials ?Espicially in the 3rd world,I'd say many.

Aug 06
2009

Tv licences go up,local production content goes down

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Paralyzer
The General aka Sphiwe Nyanda Minister of Communications has approved an 11% increase on Tv licenses.Which is basically a R25 increase per year or a R2 increase per month on your standard tv license. This could have meant great news for us the viewerrs,those who still watch SABC TV ( although even if you don't watch it,you are still expected to pay).The increase is going to booster the purse of the public broadcaster to spend more on local production and to buy interesting international shows.

Unfortuneatly, the broadcaster has already announced plans that it is going to cut down local production by half as of next year.The rational being that it is more expensive to produce local content than to buy already made international (read american content).In a perfect world there would be no issues with this,Americans make great shows (and yes they also make a lot of crap ones too) but we love their shows.But yet to have our tv going back to the 90's world were 80% of our content on SABC was american is a step backward than forward.This step will open all sorts of cans of worms to do with values, image construction and cultural imperialism.Since the 90's SABC, espicially SABC 1, has embarked on turning the tide with more and more local products replacing the international imports.

This growth in local production has helped in refining tv and film aesthetics that define SA on screen.From shows like Yizo Yizo to the Lab ,we see progress both in how are stories are told but how they are told.In shows like Khumbule e'kaya and zola 7 we see that South Africa can also milk the reality genre. Pax Africa and the magic sellar show that South Africa can also do animation. Whilst the top billing, Seskhona's of this world show that we are versatile at magazine programs. A cut on local content will signal a reatardation of our growing television and film industry,nevermind a decrease in artistic expression within a popular medium within South Africa by South Africans with South Africans.

Although not all has been perfect with local content but nothing beats seeing our stories on screen told by our own people for our people.Unfortuneatly as of next year we may be paying more for our Tv licenses but getting less of SA on tv but more of the US and the Brit,and people say colonisation is over.

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