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Feb 28
2008

BEVERLY HILLS FLOP

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Kung News
BEVERLY HILLS FLOP

Eddie Murphy has hit the skids in a big way. He has collected several Raspberries (Razzies Awards) at the latest ceremony.

Though not too many people pay too much mind to yet another pointless Hollywood function, it is sad to see someone who started out so promisingly with a good script, degenerate into someone who will act in any crap that comes along.

Did we say act?


MUSIC REVIEW

Artist: American Idols

Album: The Collection

At last, the long-awaited evidence that God was absolutely right when he emphasised that mankind is to have no other Idols whatsoever.
This drab, overproduced lack of talent should be gathered on a mountaintop in the rain and struck down by the angel with the fiery sword as a reminder to us all that there is one true God, no matter what Simon Cowell says. Purchase this album and be struck by plagues.

MOVIE REVIEW

Movie:Michael Clyton

Acting: Tom Wilkinson & George Clooney

Michael Clayton is a kind of rich man’s John Grisham courtroom tale of corporate malfeasance. We have seen it all before, but there is a difference here.
Tom Wilkinson who plays Edens, a bright attorney, starts to crack up emotionally when he feels that his courtwork is being manipulated to suit big business. Michael Clayton, played by George Clooney is brought in to ‘manage’ his friend Edens.
He does this well and plays the fixer expertly, turning the film into a thriller with gravitas and style. The film shows that, when you start with a fine script and get great actors who are directed by the writer of that script, good things happen.

APOLOGY

In a previous edition of KungNews, a story was included under the headline: “Zuma Evades Direct Question By Feigning Ignorance.” In the report, it was inferred that current ANC President, Jacob Zuma, had feigned ignorance when asked, “Are you a crook?”. The Editor has since realised that perhaps the subject was not feigning ignorance at all. The error is regretted.- The Editor
Feb 11
2008

THE HOOKER WHO WOULDN’T SOOK

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Kung News
In amongst all the unadulterated balderdash being spoken by that moron about legalisation of prostitution during 2010 comes the story about the unwilling fella..ter. Her dismissal has wound up at the CCMA and is establishing a precedent being the first matter of this type to ever reach the courts.

It was thrown out previously however, when the Court felt it could not adjudicate in a dispute arising from an illegal activity. There is a pending appeal that will change that if it succeeds. Quite why any male would want to enter the premises as they were described in the first place is a mystery, because the filth could give one any number of social diseases long before any sexual contact takes place, but it takes all sorts of whackos…and all that.

To pivot legal argument on such important issues as who blew who or refused to is hardly Clarence Darrow fodder. And trying to be reinstated in one’s missionary position at the age of forty-plus well-used years, is not exactly epic jurisprudence in a country where trial backlogs litter the corridors of our overtaxed legal system. Are a madam’s rights more important than a maid’s? Is this a fit motion in Chambers? On the other hand what’s an honest working girl to when turning a trick gets THAT tricky? - Grant duToit

Comment on this story: newsdesk@kungfone.com

MUSIC REVIEW

Artist: Dana Winner

Album: The White Album

This platinum selling marketer from Brussels or Belgium or something small and European with a B fires another ball from her canon. Given the similarities between quirky Euro-pop and awkward kitsch Afrikaans enthusiasm for bad art, this will be another direct hit. We feel that while sales must never be pooh-poohed, appalling commercial rubbish should. Dana, we don’t mind that you come here and tour the pastel geometry belt, but should you come near us or even attempt a note within earshot, we shall offer lesser loved ones to the most grumpy deity we can find to strike you down. Apart from that - not bad.

MOVIE REVIEW

Movie:There Will Be Blood

Acting: Daniel Day-Lewis

Daniel Day-Lewis is not the kind of actor that springs to mind very often, perhaps because he is selective in his choice of scripts. More often than not, his films are to be taken seriously because he approaches the roles that he plays with deep research and a sincere desire to ‘portray before pay’. One gets an impression that he would refuse a part before prostituting his talent. And so it is here where he plays Daniel Plainview, a remorseless oil prospector in New Mexico. In his hands, even the long silences announce quality and it will be a surprise if he does not collect an Oscar to set beside his Golden Globe and the National Society of Film Critics award.
Oct 18
2007

MUSIC & MOVIE REVEIW

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Kung News
    Artist: Britney Spears
  
    Album: Gimme Gimme




They say that you should write about what you know, and for all her failings, Spears has listened this time. The troubled singer has penned a single that outlines her needs currently. “Gimme Gimme” refers to talent, cream cheese and her children. The song is a plea, a heartfelt admission that despite her wealth and fame, the dumpy diva is dissatisfied and wants more. Sadly, should she want more sex, she may have to lower her standards or calorie intake. Good luck Britters, and goodnight.

    Movie: The Cincinatti Kid

    Acting: Steve Mc Queen & Edward G Robinson




Going back forty years or so is not usually a good way to dig up a good body of film. Most of the time we wonder how we could have watched that stuff much less have rated it. But this one deals us a hand rich in acting talent and human interest. Steve McQueen,Edward G. Robinson Karl Malden and Ann-Margaret. Tension is maintained throughout the card scenes and the simple tale is well handled by Norman Jewison who went on to create some of the best cinema of his generation. Showing at an armchair in your lounge on TCM sometime soon.
Lars VonWjeden (Hooland)
Sep 21
2007

HOOKERS ON THE CORNER

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Kung News
Crosstitution is alive and well in our country. Casting a vote is no guarantee that the mark you made on your ballot paper will remain in the column that you chose on election day.
Sep 07
2007

Music Review: Ringo Starr

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Kung News
Artist: Ringo
Album: Ringo Starr
  
It’s unpleasant but a fact. He was never really a full Beatle, he was a replacement. He didn’t have time to sort out his weight or style before he was stuck behind a drum kit and dragged into stardom. The other Beatles had something. Even Paul, with his nerdy pathetic girly lyrics and sad little voice managed to be endearing. This guy has nothing, he never harmed anyone, he never did a bad thing, he just did nothing. And sometimes that’s worse than doing something bad. Don’t buy this; it will only encourage the delusion.
Sep 05
2007

EARLY WARNING SIGNALS

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Kung News

There are ominous signs that the Government of the ruling party are moving towards censorship, or regulation of the media following the embarrassment of the disclosures of the Health Minister’s past and present indiscretions.

Readers will recall that these include non-entitlement to donor livers, excessive consumption of alcohol and theft of patients’ possessions. The lack of success in brushing all this dirt under the carpet finally led to the kleptomania saga which implies that the perpetrator ( sufferer?) has no idea that any wrongdoing has taken place, particularly if he or she were pissed at the time…but the sinister rumblings regarding censorship mask greater danger.

Having set sail with a constitution that enshrined freedom of the press, speech and association we are now threatened with amendment to all of these. Make no mistake, they go together and any erosion leads to more and more until we soon reach the point where we are told what we can or can’t hear, see or read.

Throughout history there are examples of the removal of these freedoms owing to the government of the day’s fear and insecurity at any imminent relinquishing of power. Time and again, popularly-elected men turn tyrant and turn against their own, imposing their will on those who chose of their own free will, seduced by the promise of better than they had.

Having put faith in these plastic messiahs, it would compound the error to stand idly by whilst they alter, dilute and finally destroy basic human rights. Grant duToit

Aug 06
2007

BROWN AND BUSH SPEAK FOR FIRST TIME EVER

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Kung News

Nebraska, Philly – In an historic landmark dialogue, Bush and Brown have held a summit.

Jul 31
2007

BEATLES HAVE NAPPY RASH

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Kung News
Some Beatles fans are doing their nut that the legendary peace anthem ‘All you need is love’ is the backtrack for a new ad campaign for disposable nappies.
A spokesman who would not divulge his name, but who obviously feels important enough to speak as if for all Beatles fans everywhere said:-
“It is disgusting that this almost hallowed song is used to peddle crappy nappies as if it were just any old shitty ditty!”

IN OTHER NEWS

The Rolling Stones have cracked a payment of $5.4 million for a single private concert in Spain. There were 500 guests from the investment bank fraternity in Barcelona and the gig was paid for by Deutsche Bank.
Can you believe a tab of over $100,000.00 per guest! Mick Jagger and his famous travelling English Cucumber joked that the best part was that the colossal payment was coming out of executive bonuses. He was surprised that no-one laughed. C’mon Mick, you tired old legume, don’t you know any Germans?

Another guy who can’t take a joke is the Spanish judge who is out to get the cartoonist who had the monumental cheek to lampoon Crown Prince Felipe by showing him uhm… bonking his own wife or something else that was funny in the royal boudoir.
Wearing some Spanish Inquisition-type headgear this tosser ordered the magazines carrying the offending cartoon to be withdrawn from shelves. He forgot the Spanish philosophy of manana, so by the time they got around to obeying him, every copy had been sold. - Tamara Goosen

Originally spewed out on Kung News - content buddies with My Digital Life!
Jul 18
2007

INVADE US TO SAVE US

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Kung News

Pius Ncube, a leading churchman in Zimbabwe has displayed selfless courage in publicly calling on Britain to invade Zimbabwe in order to rescue the populace from utter despair and hopelessness.

Jul 13
2007

MAN LOSES NERVE

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Kung News
Cresta, Johannesburg: In a shock move that stunned onlookers on Thursday, Patrick Richardson suddenly lost his nerve while walking up to the perfume counter at a big department store.
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