Commercial understanding of the Techie

Posted by Riccardo Vallaro
Riccardo Vallaro
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on Wednesday, 20 June 2007
in Digital Blogs
For those of us that are privileged enough to work in environments where we “interface” directly with Techies (a Techie is a term, derivative of the word technology, for a person that displays a great, quite possibly even obsessive, interest in technology, as well as high-tech devices, particularly computers. Notably, techies express a disregard for any technology that could possibly be considered obsolete, even if the technology or process in question might only be considered obsolete within the techie community. Consequently, techies are also often early adopters. ...) on a daily basis, it is extremely important to understand that you are not dealing with a conventional person.

Thus common English does not really register in the techno-sifi world. Statements are meaningless and humour is lost in translation.

 

So from a perspective of safety and sanity here are a few expressions used by techies that I have converted into English for all commercial people to jot down and hopefully get a better understand of this interesting creature …

 

  1. “Yes we can do that…”

Every techie believes that he/she/IT has the power to redesign the world, this is a common view shared with all techies. If left alone they could solve problems that us mere humans have not even started to contemplate.  A good question to ask a techie when confronted with the reply,” Yes we can do that” is great can I have it by Friday the 1st of July 2007, in doing this you are forcing the techie to commit to a date.

 

  1. “Yes this will take 8 man hours to develop…”

How many times have you heard this, “8 man hours” this always makes a techie or for that matter a techie department sound very efficient but the truth is that yes it will take one of our techies 8 hours to develop but first we need to schedule the development, secondly we need to assign a techie to work on the project thirdly we need to assign a project manager to manage the project… Eventually we can derive a formula from the techie department that entails evolution and Elbert Einstein’s theories into a deployment date of 13 of May 2455 give or take a day.

 

  1. “What do you mean…”

This is a very common question from a techie, basically they are saying that in all their infinite wisdom, through their years of studies and work experience they have never come across as big an idiot as you. A good retort here is to say, come now don’t be stupid let me draw some pictures to explain…. Ps after using this I got given the deployment date of 13 of May 2455…

 

  1. “I’m working on it…”

I am still to define what this means it techie talk…I think that due to the fact that we exist on the same plain on being but in different dimensions time and work have no correlation, very deep I know but that is the techie…

 

  1. “We have had to delay the project…”

Be worried, be very worried, this statement means that there has been a catastrophic problem in the underlying code (language techies use to talk to each other and computers), they don’t really know where this came from and are not really sure how to solve it but like the government worker STRIKE its there and its slowing everything down.

 

  1. “We have decided to scratch the rewrite our underlying platform in the new code…”

This means that an over ambitious CTO came across a new coding language while surfing the Open Source libraries and decided that its time to re scale their current antiquated coding language. After deploying to many recourses and time into the new code the companies realises that it’s futile to change due to the nature of their current infrastructure and thus cancels the change.

 

  1. “You use Microsoft, hahahaha….”

Yes I have left the best for last, techies do not work with Microsoft/Window on their pc or laptops like the rest of us, they prefer to work with bad graphic and lots of dots. This all stems from Bill Gates making to much money from a product that most of us commercial people understand and use on a daily basis…I think its envy… Defining this statement from a techie perspective would be like asking a punk rocker if he likes if he likes West life… West life being the POP, main stream band… Yes that’s its Microsoft is like West life, they have had loads of hits, but not one that I can remember… So to conclude techies don’t like main stream they prefer punk rock…

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The Source Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Excellent, no wait, you just supplied the client with ammo :sigh

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