When my Paypal account got hacked by French game server loving hackers I decided to inform Paypal about this heinous activity and get the whole problem sorted out straight away. I only lost 10$ to the hackers, so it wasn’t a massive problem but I didn’t want it to happen again so I informed them about my predicament and they helpfully froze my account (it’s not like I used it for anything, I mean who buys stuff on the internets!?!). They asked for the usual things like changing my password and sending in ID documents etc.
After trying to call them, sending the documents and emailing them multiple times without any human replies I eventually got a cheerful email informing me, “Your account has been found to be too risky for Paypal and is now permanently frozen. Hope you burn in hell and die :) *smiles*”
Naturally I was overjoyed at this imparting of knowledge from the all wise Paypal but I just wanted to clear a few things up so I tried to get hold of their support department via the good 'ole telephone.
Similar to my overjoyed face
Upon reaching the Paypal funny farm aka support department and explaining my situation to them they lovingly told me that I was deemed to be a too “risky” individual to have an account by Paypal. Naturally, being the moronic curious beast I am, I attempted to ask them why and how did they come to that conclusion. This is when they told me, “We can’t tell you the reason for our decision, if you want to know you will need to file a subpeona in the US of A. God bless America!!! YEEEEHAAWWW!!!”
Luckily, I can read in between the lines so what they actually said was, “Our retarded monkeys dipped their hands in faeces and splatted it on your email address. The great priest Nokilberrybagoo took this as a sign you are unworthy to use the hallowed ‘Paypal Account.’ If you send the black suit creatures then we will tell you how we came upon this magnificent revelation. We hate you, goodbye.”
An accurate reflection of the inner working of Paypal
Being a little disappointed with this response, I kindly asked if I could elevate my request higher and received a brief reply, I’m paraphrasing here, that went something like, “HE’S QUESTIONING THE GREAT LORD COMMANDER FREEZE LIST. YOU WILL NEVER SHAKE OUR FAITH YOU DESPICABLE CUSTOMER. *Click*”
I'm pretty sure this is what the person on the other side looked like.
I later remembered a question I asked earlier on in my call as to why don't I just making a new account. The reply had a hostile tone to it along the lines of, “We will find that account, close it and hunt you down. Then we will kill or destroy all that you love in this world and set it on fire.”
At the end of this experience I was saddened but not disheartened. I knew I could share this experience with others and hopefully save them from the Hell that is Paypal. That is when I decided to investigate Paypal, see how they have screwed over other people and threatened legitimate anti-censorship and anti-corruption websites. What I’ve found out has been quite shocking and in a more serious follow up post I will reveal these investigations. See the follow up post here.
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