I think that John Cleese is a bad candidate now, because I think I should be president. This is my campaign.
My party is called: L.P – Logical Party
All children will be taught to read, before we give them books on being careful with guns, sex, cars etc.
They will learn three languages out of the 11 official ones, one of those languages will be English. Children will write smses using full words. In turn, their assignments on writing letters to a friend won’t look “Like so”:
‘Sup chicky, Howzit going. OMW did u hear what happened to –so and so- lst w/end?
N E way. gtg. luv me”
We intend to stop changing road names, building names, event names, public holiday names, our own names. We’re serious in our cabinet. We don’t get bored. So instead of pumping money into that, we’re putting it into housing people who sleep on the side of that renamed road.
We are buying ourselves second hand cars. We hope to please our nation, and that way we don’t have to have a convoy of six brand new BMW’s incase someone wants to blow us up.
Heck, let’s ride bicycles to work. The money that is saved from our millions we spend on cars and petrol for those six cars, we’ll put into decent public transport. If we need to fly, we’ll use Kulula and earn ourselves Jet Setter points!
HIV does lead to AIDS. Yes I know this. I also know that drinking will cause problems with my liver. I know that veggies are healthy for me, but won’t make EVERY illness go away.
I knock down 2010 promotion buildings and build more hospitals. I’ll pay hospital staff more so that they save lives and don’t strike.
The public will only be allowed 4 strikes a year. Choose wisely
Tagging, Littering, glass breaking, ATM bombing...
Is annoying, please stop else we’ll tickle you with feathers.
Children in our country are fat, they’re going to do sport. Facebook access is only allowed 30 min a day for children in school. Hannah Montana is from now on BANNED.
We’re selling all our arms back to
Are banned. No hush, they don’t look nice. They’re horrible. If you wear them, we’ll clear out your cupboard of all your shoes. Including your different colours of crocs. They’re nasty
Use your own accent. No need to use Will Smith’s. It’s his, not yours
Pants hanging below your bum is not on. If your clothes are too big, get needle and thread and sew it. No one likes your teddy bear boxes, your mother lied to you.
If you are below the age of 40. Sitting at home moping every weekend is not on, unless you have children. Then you are allowed to mope once a weekend. if you are 24, single and spend your weekends in front of tv, you will be sent to ‘the island’
I hope I’ve convinced you I’ll be a good president. Vote for me!