I’m currently undergoing a excess of uber-male hero types both on TV and in literature, and I think I have now had enough.
I’ve been watching CSI Miami for a few weeks now, and, although I was significantly nauseated in the beginning (not by the bloody scenes and putrid close-ups, but by the main characters’ demeanors) but I find myself now becoming strangely addicted to Horatio Caine
Don’t get me wrong – I think the guy is a joke, but I have developed an almost morbid fascination with the guy’s impossible conquests. Whether he is defending maiden’s honours, physically rendering perpetrators unconscious or rescuing babies, he does so with unequivocal flair – he is the personification of cool, calm and collected. He maintains a movie preview-guy voice throughout and seems to love mentioning a person’s name ad nauseam as well as coming up with disgusting puns. Take for example the following illustration:
Horatio (in movie preview-guy’s voice): “I’ll tell you what happened, Frank… You were jealous of her always giving the dog more attention than you, Frank. So you killed her, Frank. Am I right, Frank? Well you’re now going to a different kind of doghouse, Frank. We call it the jailhouse, Frank.”
Ok, I made that one up, but you get the picture.
Then, recently, I was visiting my dad and needed a book to read, so he handed me this jewel:
Stone Barrington (ex-cop) and his group of crime fighting experts can casually do just about anything – from driving boats, to flying planes, to hacking into mainframes and picking locks.
On top of that, our beloved Stone has a handful of very loose and willing women, he can call up in the blink of an eye to keep him very warm on his lonely nights.
Only difference I saw was that our Stone was slightly less sharp than Horatio, but when you take into account that Horatio has 45mins to figure things out, and Stone has about 300 pages, you can understand why Mr Caine needs a sharper wit.
As far as the storyline goes? What storyline? Murder investigation, kidnapping, rape, bad parenting, suicide, CIA, fully-working but non-existent technology, high-speed chases (by sea, by plane and by land, I’ll have you know) – it’s all there. I can hardly merit so much crap with a proper review.
Yip – so that’s it folks. I’ve just embarked on a book called The Dark Bride that is hopefully not dripping with testosterone. Coz I think I have had just about as much as I can handle.