Ok, so I have a friend who is going through an extremely hard time in his life at the moment, since I have known which has been almost 3 years he has always had depression, but it is considerably worse now than what it has ever been in the past.

To make matters worse he broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago and he has gone totally off the rails since then, he has written off two cars in about 6 months, he spends his nights drinking in PTA and then drives home to Milpark, with no memory of how he got there, if he is lucky he makes it into work on time, otherwise he gets woken up by them phoning him and telling him if he doesn’t get in now, he will lose his job and he thinks it is funny.

...

This has been pissing me off for a while now, the world does not revolve around you, people break up and move on, get over it, you have issue's that you're ex has "moved" on, but you guys broke up and you basically moved in with someone else and started a relationship with them, but then you are hurt when they (your ex) starts seeing other people, its such double standards, the world is not out to get you. 

But at the same time you have serious issues that you need to deal with, it also pisses me off that i lent you stuff and now that you dont need it anymore i have to make a plan, because i know that if i left it to you, i will never get it back, because its not your problem and ultimately means nothing to you, when someone lends you something and you no longer need it, you should make a plan to give it back to them, not the other way around, although i shouldnt be surprised about this, after all, all you really care about is your next drink anyway, fuck, it pisses me off, i dont see why i should put myself out for people anymore, i just get taken advantage of. 

I feel sorry for people and give them time to sort themselves out and they turn around and tell me to fuck off, i lend people stuff and then i have to make a plan to get it back, i try and help people and then they tell me they dont think what i am doing is right so they will not support me in it, well i am sick and fucking tired of it. 

From now on i will be a bitch, gone are the days where i feel sorry for people only to be hurt myself, because i didnt want to hurt their fucking feelings in the first place, well never again, if i feel there is stuff going down that i am not happy about i will not keep quiet, i will open my fucking mouth and say something about it now, i will never lend you or anyone else for that matter anything again. I will not try and make friends with people, because its not worth the tears i end up crying in the end, and i will not be nice to you, not now, not ever, because you were never nice to me, you wanted to destroy me and the life i was trying to make, well just try anything and i will destroy you, because i have everything to lose now, so dont try and push me, because you will come off second best this time around. 

People have pushed me too far now.  

So its been a while since I’ve been on here, let alone blogged, so I thought now was the time to do something about it.

...

So since Dunc proposed in the December, we are now planning the wedding, having said that weddings don’t come cheap, and even with the bare minimum, we are looking at close to R30 000, which granted isn’t bad, but it is when don’t have R30 000 for it. Especially when i still need to buy Dunc a wedding ring, but the material for my dress and the bridesmaids, we need to pay for the ANC and im sure a few other things will pop up as well.

So now i am looking for any part-time work i can get my hands on to try and earn a bit of extra money for the wedding, but it looks like we might have to move it out a bit later than what we wanted, because i just don’t know how we’re going to do it otherwise, even if each of us save R1000 a month, which we are doing at the mo, we wont have enough for it, which really sucks and is so so disappointing.

But i am applying left right and centre for any part-times jobs i come across, whether its doing promotions, or shop assistant on the weekend, even typing and the likes, so lets hope something comes along, because i really want to get married to Dunc this year, hell i don’t care if we get married at court and go to mcdonalds for the reception, just as long as we get to spend the rest of our lives together in the end, thats all i want and care about.

Sigh, oh well we shall what happens.....

Some Of my fav quotes are below, i thought i would share them....

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox~

And if they exclude you for being different, remember this:  We are all unique, but only brave souls live according to their desires.  Thank you for being brave.  It makes this world worth living in. ~(Gothic Anthems, Chapter Eleven)~

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.  ~Author Unknown~

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.  ~Henry Boye~

Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans. ~John Lennon~

Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.  ~Author Unknown~

Life didn't promise to be wonderful.  ~Teddy Pendergrass~

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  ~Jennifer Yane~

                                                                             

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  ~Albert Einstein~

I think this is the best song in the world, and it describes perfectly how im feeling today... angry and pissed off with the world!!!

As far as im concerned some people can just fuck the hell off until they start acting their age, im not fucking interested in their stories anymore and their crap!!!

DevilDriver - Digging up the Corpses

TELL ME ANOTHER STORY

TELL ME ANOTHER STORY

Everyone Has Stories, They Bore Me (They Bore Me)
The Ends(?) Are Feeling Nervous. Their Stories...(They Bore Me)
Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet
Don't Ask Me, Where They Got It
You Should Have Told The Truth A Long Time Ago. Liar, LIAR!
(I Told You So)

Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses, That Haunt You, That Haunt You.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again), Corpses (Corpses) Once Again.
Corpses. Digging. Up The Corpses. Once Again.

Back To Another Story, That Haunts Me (Haunts Me)
Someone Sheared The Wolf From His Story, That Haunts You (Haunts You)

Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet
Don't Ask Me, Where They Got It
You Should Have Told The Truth A Long Time Ago. Liar, LIAR!
(I Told You So)

Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses, That Haunt You, That Haunt You.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again), Corpses (Corpses) Once Again.
Corpses. Digging. Up The Corpses. Once Again.

Digging Digging Digging Digging
Up The Up The Up The Up The
Corpses Corpses Corpses Corpses

I Should Have Never Let You In
Your Soul Is Full Of Sin
Always Trying To Do Me Good, Digging Up The Corpses Again.

YOUR STORIES (Bore Me)

Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses, That Haunt You, That Haunt You.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again) Tell Me Another Story.
Digging Up The Corpses (Once Again), Corpses (Corpses) Once Again.
Digging Up The Corpses Corpses. Once Again.

Go

Sigh, feeling a bit funny today, actually i cant really say how im feeling, because i dont think i actually know myself, but what i do know, is that im not feeling all that happy, but im not feeling all that sad either.

I dont know, i know that im not impressed with some people and know other people are up to something, im just not sure what yet.

I think im just so freaking frustrated with life at the moment, there are just some things i dont think i will ever understand. On the brightside, i've been doing some spring cleaning, and you would be surprised how much stuff i have thrown out in the last few weeks that have just brought back crappy memories of someone i never want to remember, but as time goes on it gets easier, and as time goes on, i am able to get rid of all the crap they left behind, whether they wanted me to find it or not!

Which makes things so much better.... the less things of theirs around the better. What can say, they started this game, and im finishing it!!! And that makes it so much sweeter. Oh and karma seems to be playing a factor as well. Lol, and that makes me sooo happy, coz in the end everyone gets what they deserve.

Oh, well i guess thats me being a vindictive bitch, but shit happens, besides me being nice to them never got me anywhere anyway. So if i need to be a vindictive bitch towards them i will be, its the only language they seem to recognise and listen to.

These are my thoughts when it comes to the Israel/Palestinian conflict that is happening in Gaza at the moment.

First off, before Israel went in to defend itself, no one was really reporting how Hamas was firing rockets into Israel, and how they were targeting Israeli targets.

But now that Israel is fighting back they are the bad ones? How does that work. Hamas are cowards that use civilians as shields, and hide among the civilian population. And now that Israel is fighting back and unfortunately taking some innocent civilian lives in the process, they are at fault.

What does the world expect, for Israel to sit back and do nothing? And as for the news reporting, its been shocking, all we hear about is how the Palestinians are suffering and how Israel bombed a UN school, well Hamas was launching rockets off the schools roof, so who fault is it really, but you don’t hear about that in the news. Israel has also lost civilian lives in this conflict, after all Hamas has been firing rockets at the Israeli’s for a lot longer than what Israel has been fighting back, but do you hear of those casualties, nope, not really. Because at the moment Israel is conveniently the bully here.

If news publications are going to publish the news, they should do it fairly, and in my opinion, the news coverage on this has not been fair, its been very one sided.  Report both sides of the story and the suffering, dont make it out that the only people suffering are the Palestinians, becuase clearly both sides have casualities.

I absolutely love this song, i have for a while now, but i also love it because of the words, because it describes how i feel almost everyday, and i really wish i didn’t, this is a new start for me, a new year, D and i are happy and i love him so much.

But i just feel like something bad is going to happen and i don’t know why, but its the worst feeling in the world, so at the moment im constantly on edge, waiting for something to happen.

Maybe its just stress, i hope it is, sigh, i just wish i knew more about what life is trying to teach me. For the first time, in a long time im actually happy. Everything i want is coming true, and i hope nothing changes. Because if something bad does happen, i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to pick up the pieces again.

Anyways thats enough of my depressing thoughts for one day...

Papa Roach - Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

So for a change this new year was awesome, last year sucked, the year before was ok, and well im not even going to go into detail about the years before that, but this year’s was awesome.

We went to Zeplins in PTA again, which i wasn’t so keen for, but D really wanted to go, so we did, and surprisingly it was great, we got there and we each got a little bottle of champagne which was nice, and we paid R100 to get in, but it was drink for free on certain drinks, so i had my favourite the whole night.... vodka, passion fruit and lemonade... hmm yum, lol

So yeah, i was nice and chilled, the only really dodgy thing that happened was that D accidentally made my nose bleed, because he squeezed it and my piercing went through the other side, so that was a little bad, and then D and The Nameless aka Henry were messing around,, and i got an elbow in the face to, lol.

But yeah, either way i would change it for anything, coz this was our first new year’s as an engaged couple and our last new year’s as “single”. And for the next one, we’ll be married.... yayness