A few month ago everyone with a cellphone was compelled to register their phones and sim card with the full identification process. This process is commonly known as RICA.

This past week, the South African government attempted to launch a satellite in to space which would cover the African continent. The Satellite will cross SA 4 times a day. Supposedly gathering agricultural information.

Tree

Cow

House

Sand

Mielies.

I dont think so. Can you welcome home Big Brother?

The Organ Harvester

I love the fact that I live in South Africa. I dont think I would like to move anywhere else. The aspect of crime is a large motivator for many people. And its not so much that crime happens everywhere but its the fact that once we catch criminals we dont do enough to them to make victims feel that justice has been served. Enough with the high ideals of not wanting to build a state on the bones of human beings or that some rights are inherent, well meaning they might be but how do you restore a victim's right to peaceful existence and justice when and where a crime has taken place. Even death cannot restore a life lost in a crime. What about those raped? how do we give them their lives back? And yes it is a fact that we care more for a criminal's well being than we do ordinary citizens. Because at the heart of it we aspire to a society where peace, adherence to the values of human rights underlines every action. I would like to live in a society where I dont have to get out of bed and because I cant remember if I locked the door properly or if I put the alarm on. Or worry if my work colleague will be safe at the office working late on her own. I aspire to live in a society where a kid can play in the street and not have to worry some neighbour will molest and murder a kid and stuff down a drain.

It is high time our criminal justice system leave the aspirational stuff for a time when people in South Africa can feel safe enough to live that risky life. It is time for our criminal justice system to reflect the mood of the people. And I not just talking about capital punishment. What are we doing with prisoners? what are we doing with them assuming they are arrested, assuming they get to court and assuming they are convicted and prosecuted, what are we doing? because as long as we cant justify how a kid can sleep on the street while a rapist and murderer sleep in warm cells.

Here are some of the things that I think should be done to convicted violent criminals, people whose sentence cannot restore the victim's rights to a time before the incidence of crime.

1. Feed them to wild animals. Instead of culling animals because we cant afford to feed them, feed a rapist a day to a pride of lions. Ahead of 2010 I can see that being a real tourist attraction and I believe that will be justice served. if they survive it is the will of a greater force, if they dont, Darwin was right, that old ass bastard. And they will both burn in hell anyway.

2. use them for random experiments, how much pain a human can take, what if we mix your DNA with that of an aphid, how far can we deep can you go under the sea before you insides pop open, what happens if we drop you from 20 000 metres, do you bounce?

3. catch a bullet with your teeth and go free

4. Donate your organs - criminals have two good kidneys and we all know you dont need you whole liver, they have two eyes etc, plenty of needy people out there needing organs, and when we are done with saving the good law abiding folk in SA, we can export. Take that wine industry.

5. Use them to pick up landmines in all those places that the old South Africa left infested. Let them run through the country barefoot, if they find a mine they wont keep it a secret for too long. I promise and the rest of Africa can have their country back sans our contribution. The land mines. And if they still work, we'll leave them a bit of fertiliser. In the form of a prisoner. A former prisoner. Now mostly a stain.


The Organ Harvester

The term service charges is slightly misleading. But I suppose protection racket has negative connotations and could frighten some customers. My battles with the bank continues. Because although you might be an existing client, although you might spend close on an hour in one branch waiting for you card, you cant still walk away as if you did nothing.

I described on here a few weeks back, my endless hassles with opening an account online through FNB. I am an existing client with online banking facilities. I also have cellphone banking. I dont like going into a branch because it consists mostly of waiting. Waiting is not one of my strongest points. waiting four weeks for an account to be opened and then being told that no one actually knows why there is a hold on my accounts is starting to bug me. So Today I went to the branch whom I knew had my file and who had proof that I existed and that I believed could lift the hold on my account. Apparently I had to go back to the branch near to my work where I picked up the card and ask them to lift the hold. But I was there last week and they kept the hold on my account. WHAT THE FUCK?

Advice people: Do Not Do ANYTHING Online unless its payments. FNB's service has sucked over the last month. Which is unlike FNB. Which leads me to conclude, a bunch of laid off ABSA employees were probably hired.

If someone from FNB is reading this, know this, your bank has delivered the worst service I have experienced while with the bank. Your call centre numbers are pointless because they cant help you. And the banks themselves are useless.  So who do you go to when you want to draw your money from your account? And when no one at the bank returns your calls when visits to the bank leave you waiting for someone to call who never calls back. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? I dont condone violence but if you see a banker in the street I wouldnt apply brakes.

The world has changed and no its not just the economic downturn. Its the mindset that has shifted. Its the focus of what we do and how we do it. sure things used to be all that much simpler. But then again we didnt have have killer coughs and sex that gave you diseases that simple penicillin couldnt cure. Fuck all the institute for marketers bullshit because the reality is that our public arent a bunch of born to lose retards. people are clever, people are aware and people have choice. if you want to stand out from the other snake oil salesmen you need to differentiate yourself. Consistency is key as well.

I have been doing some online experiments lately. The point is we have this resource, I work for a PR and design company and I have no idea on how to use it. Sure I know what the tools do but how do I make the tools work. A million resources all have secrets they would like to share with you. And if you're starting from a point of money as in how much am I going to rake in and how soon then I am afraid battle is lost. Or so experience has taught me.

The one thing I have learnt is that people want more than what they pay. the Cellular operators made it popular with a thing called value add. You need a phone they give you a phone which you pay for monthly. They throw in "free minutes" and free voicemail retrieval. It then graduated onto the quality of handset and free text messages. the reality is they arent really giving you anything free. The perception is that you're getting alot more than what you're paying for. So fucking what if you phone can video call. It was R139 per month with 120 off peak minutes with 15 free peak minutes and 15 sms. Wowee. Arent you lucky boy with that decoder ring?

The reality is that you pay for it all. Your phone might be fast at connecting you to the net but you pay for those charges. They dont give anything away that they know isnt being paid for by you.

Times have changed though. And MTN's R2 per meg GPRS rates finally switched me over to fixed line ADSL at R69 a GB. The world is changing and sure we would like to know how FNB is able to offer relatively cheap internet but we dont want to wake up.

the point is that consumers arent influenced by bright lights and pretty girls with big fake tits anymore. Women dont want to know how much kitchen time they will be saving so that they can have more time to chat with their lady friends. The modern consumer is looking for some way to get more out of you than you out of them before the ink dries on the till slip.

Its all about experiences. Emotion is almost indefinable. Some people attract you, in spite of their prickly false demeanor, something attracts you which might repel another. Its all about experience. Same thing on how you can be turned off by something small and almost indescribable.

So when you give something away are you giving something tangible away or are you giving away something that can never be lost? because during these times you need to grow with your consumers and be willing to attract them not bludgeon them with the same old dog and pony routine.
Sometimes you are forced to give with an open hand with no immediate return. But what you do buy is loyalty and a positive experience associated with your brand, product and service.

The Web is a wonderful utility in improving a customer's experience. The web is supposed to be fast so deliver fast. Explore find ways to use to profit. Dont exploit your clients, see it as an exchange, your ideas and products and services for their money and they leave believing it was a fair exchange.

The Organ Harvester

For every bribe offered, every bribe accepted, for things stolen and stolen things bought, for every crooked manner in which money is involved we are slowly sliding into a state of anarchy. Corruption in the public sector or private sector is irrelevent, its nature destabilises our society and its continued existence will result in a social revolution.

 

The question is, in our pursuit of short term goals, how much of our future stability, sustainability can we sacrifice in the process? Democracy is relatively young on the African continent. Colonial abuse followed by liberation movement's difficulty in adapting to a systematic form of governance and rule with adequate control of State resources. Subsequent developments meant that modern democracy was adopted very late in the history of most African Countries. Perceptions of African countries, due to a combination of colonial throwbacks and African Dictatorships, are largely negative. This perfection is a key contributor towards stunted development and the general state of impoverishment. According to Transparency International, of the 10 most countries considered the most corrupt, 6 are in sub-Saharan Africa. Transparency International is a global watchdog on corruption. According to their study, corruption cost the continent approximately $150 billion annually. To compare, developed nations total contribution in aid for Sub-Saharan Africa was $22.5 billion.

 

Economic experts suggest the best model for combating corruption and improving perceptions among foreign investors will be to adopt a policy of transparency and accountability. These two words have been used ad nauseum by politicians in South African. Briefly they mean that public officials will be held to account for their actions, that their actions are open to public scrutiny and that should any foul play be committed, those officials will suffer the full effect of the indiscretions.

 

Daniel Kaufman, former director at the World Bank breaks down anti-corruption measures into 3 categories.

 

Create Anti-Corruption Agencies – these agencies are largely seen as ineffectual and according to a UN survey in 2005, the only countries in Sub-Saharan Africa with watchdog groups deemed as effective were in Namibia and Malawi. In all but a few these groups were not independent from the Executive Branch of government or in the case of certain democratic structured electoral systems, the legislature functions a rubber stamping facility for the decisions of the Executive. Bottomline: They don't really work if they are extensions of government and not founded on a principle of absolute independence.

 

Strengthening of existing institutions – Weaknesses within facilities strengthen opportunities for corruption. Instead of by passing old institutions, investment should be aimed at often neglected institutions such as police, the judiciary and civil service according to some economists. Further suggested, the disbursement of funds to be separated from policy making powers. The need for a free and active press is stressed, the implication obvious if a policy of transparency and accountability is implemented.

 

Ending dependency on foreign aid – A few economists have argued that foreign aid has made African countries dependent and accountable to foreign donors and investors instead of the citizenry which in effect breaks the relationship between government and its electorate. Some have argued that destroying Africa's reliance on foreign aid would increase accountability and force governments into being more frugal with public expenditure.

 

Corruption hurts the people that can least likely afford to be hurt. Whether its a bribe to receive preferential treatment on a tender or whether its reckless spending, our public servants need to be held to account. Our Democracy is young and cannot afford to be threatened by unscrupulous attempts at raiding the pork barrel for private benefit. There is no government or corporation that doesnt roof corruption of some form, but the question we need to ask ourselves is, can we afford to ignore it for much longer?

 

 

 

 

 

Its almost un-pc to admit that you would like to be rich. But some people dont care. They want it all. And they are prepared to do anything except actually work for it or earn it.

I opened up the careers section of the Sunday Times Careers section and saw that the SABC (South African Ballsup Corporation) is looking to fill the position of Group CEO. I am going to apply for that job, I am going to watch the Secret, I am going to pray like someone with genuine sincerity and ask for that job.  I am not in broadcasting, I have little or no experience in television. I am not even a lawyer. But I know I want to be rich. And I dont really give two rat's whiskers how I get there.

After the SABC Board decided to settle with Dali Mpofu, former title holder, political kiss ass and professional driver into the ground of large corporations, it is clear that needing experience, vision and willingness to make things work, are not requirements for the job. What the SABC is actually looking for is:

Someone who can kiss ass and loves lip balm. No kiss political ass wants chapped lips on his ample kiester.
The tactical nuance of a fox in a hen house wearing a cow bell.
A committment to inadequacy and political rhetoric
A penchant for older (much) women
Innate God complex
And a willingness not to be held accountable.

I fill all of these requirements. There is also my reckless disregard for protocol, news accuracy and bias. I mean whoever makes the highest deposit before the 7pm news, you'll get some of the good PR.

And to my friends, let me know what you're good at or what you think you're good at and I will get you the hook up. And when the board eventually decides that they have had enough I will sue them for holding me accountable and force them to settle out of court for millions.

Rewarded for a job done really badly.

Just living the dream.

The Organ Harvester

In the corporate world the need for owning and utilising a website is often missed. Competitors have websites and therefore we should have a websites seems to be the prevailing thinking. However if a website is badly designed with equally or worse navigability then the point of owning a web presence becomes moot.

 

The great thing about websites is that it has made little Mom and Pop store equal to Juggernaut Corporates at least in the virtual world. Most potential customers and clients research a product or service on the Internet before signing on the dotted line. Increased Internet market penetration means that accessibility is slowly increasing amongst communities previously out of reach of basic telecoms infrastructure. All this leads to needing a web presence and on the web you can either being as big as you want or insignificant as you want irrespective of the size of your bricks and mortar sized business in the real world.

 

Your website is your business. Its is almost every aspect of your business. Its the building, its the shop fittings, its the sales representative, the customer sales consultant, the marketing officer. And that is the benefit of a website. You dont need deep pockets to have a web presence. If you have a good design team working on your website and its layout you can create the impression of a much larger business. The inverse is true as well, a badly constructed websitem, resembling a a design by a talented chimp with a dangerous LSD addiction can turn your potential customers to your competitors customers. All because you thought having a web presence meant sticking the proverbial stake in the ground with badly handdrawn “property of...” sign attached.

 

Before deciding on a website think about you intend on utilising it. If you still dont understand that you do need a website, irrespective of what business you're in, consider deciding to open a business. You dont advertise it, you don't tell anyone about it and yet you wonder why you dont have any customers. That is the equivalent of not having a website. If you are in the we need a website what do we do category as mentioned, you need to consider how you intend using it. Is a point of reference. Some place that houses your web address? Even if you intend to have a single web page with basic information about your business and contact information, you need to make the effort to give the impression that your 5 year old didnt get hold of your In Design programme and that is what you used. To be honest some websites are not even worth being classified as part of the fridge magnet gallery, but there they are, in all their glory, on the world wide web, representing your company.

 

Find professional webdesigners with the ability to offer you what works for your businesses. A lot of web design outfits will offer you standard packages, starting from basic 2 pager websites which most teenagers with a Mac and 2 litres of Karate Water could put together in an hour. In those cases I would recommend that a business opt out of having a websites. The modern website firm should be able to offer an analysis of the business and make recommendations on the actual needs of the business. The website is there to benefit your business and should be viewed and utilised as such. At the end of the day your website should be aimed at benefitting your business and well equipped marketing company should be able to provide you with the tools to utilise the website as a means of growing your business.

 

Considerations before deciding on your website:

 

1. The name of your business and how you intend to represent it on the web. Long names can be abbreviated but will your customers and clients be able to find you?

2. Web searches, is your website text heavy or image heavy? If the name of your company appears in an image instead of in the text, Google is not going to find it. Which is the most popular search engine?

3. What will make customers come back?

4. Are you as the company giving anything away to passers by? How are you staying in the mind of potential customers and encouraging them to come back or tell others about you?

5. Accessibility: If your page is good to look at but takes minutes to load a single image, guess what? Customers don't come back where they have to wait. Think about a real store, if you wait just to get in the door what do you do? Stand around or find the nearest store offering the same product where you dont have to wait.

 

Organisations that still need to be convinced on whether or not they need a website should be asking themselves how much of their business is working for them when they sleep? The need for a website is a necessity. Much like owning a cellular phone is today in the world of business. The difference is that a good website can enhance your business and a bad website, badly designed and constructed can actually cause you to lose business. Pay professionals to do your website based on your needs and the requirements of your business and your will get what you want and what you deserve. The maintenance of website shouldn't be hard and a professional outfit interested in improving your business should be able to teach you how to manage and control your website.

Windows had never been much of a good friend. Vista, the ugly bastard new born turning me against "la familia". After having tested Ubuntu on my own system at home I took it to work. And the boss has guinea pigged me out to test it with our system. 5 hours later, after having backed up everything (I hope) and installed ubuntu and fiddled around with my email settings on the new user interface and the network like a creepy uncle at summer camp, I think I am good to go.
Our computers arent the newest. Which means that everyday that passes we're losing vital seconds waiting for attachments to attach, screens to unfreeze and viruses to kill. I am hoping with Ubuntu this will all be a thing of the past.
And its free. Which organisation can say no to that?

The vital things for any company is to establish a working email programme and internet connection. Documents can come later but as long as we can be productive. The only problem I see is find the Linux equivalent to some of the design programmes we currently use and getting everyone skilled enough.

So lets hear your thoughts and opinions. I will update as the week goes on. Maybe this guinea pig finds the cure or is chucked in the bin with last week's potato salad.

I have been with FNB for a few years and I have always admired their great service. The fact that I don’t have to go into a branch is a big plus for me. I hate banks, standing in them, waiting in line. The only bonus is that you can find someone who is able to answer a question. Nothing beats face to face. Except for a system that allows you to do your banking from your phone, your computer at any time of the day.

So three weeks ago I applied for a cheque account online. Sounds simple enough since they have the option of opening accounts online. It even asked for my delivery address. What a pleasure. Within a matter of minutes I was done with my account.

Three weeks later I now have to go into the bank to actually take in my documentation and collect my card. Somehow I had slipped through the cracks. And only an irate email and phone calls later was someone able to tell me what needs to be done. Online the account is active. I transferred a few hundred to the account to activate it. But you cant use the account. Until I provide proof of address. Ok maybe I should have told you, I am existing client, I have three accounts with FNB at various stages of brown money balances. So can you imagine my shock and horror when I realized that I couldn’t actually use the account. It was frozen. Because they don’t have proof of address. I am still dumbfounded. So I can’t actually open any more accounts without going through the same process of opening my first account. I mean I am still owed a soccer ball. Don’t think I will be getting that. And now I have to be 5 years old again. And take proof of address for an additional account. Is it me or does that make about as much sense as Kaizer Chiefs Supporters.

So while I wait for my account to be unfrozen I will carefully consider if I actually like this current set up. Because its shockingly kak service. I explained to the lovely call centre agent that as for mail, I don’t get any mail at home. I have a mailbox. She says I should get mail from someone I live with and a copy of my ID. I am livid. I shall make a scene at the bank this weekend. I am not one for making scenes. I travel the two extremes. Middle ground is for pussies and the British.

If anyone from FNB is reading this, stop the rot now. Standard Bank Syndrome is contagious.

The Organ Harvester

I think the mogginess of gadgetry often blinds us to the reality, that no matter how cool it is, no matter how its sleek design fits effortlessly in to the smallest of crevices at some point you see brick wall and it’s a case of what would happen if gadget met brick wall. Or maybe it was just me. My poor notebook has often been at the wrong end of a threat of imminent destruction. I never do though. But one day…

Off course watching a 6 foot man beast curse his tiny Nokia because it refused to release the backslide so he could take the Sim Card out is rather entertaining. Unfortunately the guarantee doesn’t extend to jumping on your phone out of sheer frustration. Even if it was a manufacturer’s fault.

The perfect gadget we should be looking forward to is the gadget that tells everyone to piss off when we’re not in the mood, or tells you not to send that text message which most of us regret days later. Well maybe it’s just me.

The perfect gadget could fall in water, surf the net at lightning speeds, play all our music, warn us that the stove was still on and would come with automatic douchebag alert when you wanted to save someone’s business card. In fact the perfect gadget I wish for would be the gadget that did all of the shit that I (the collective I) do and did that made us leave the cave.