Jayo -

What does it mean to be South African?

Posted by Jayo on Friday, 28 August 2009 in Digital Blogs

Am I more South African than you? Am I more patriotic than you? Is there a difference? Does my regular Aussie-bashing sessions make me more patriotic or more South African or does it just mean I need to get a life? (by the way Oz is no longer ranked no. 1 in test cricket.....yippppeeeeee!)

I love this country. I love everything about it. It's beautiful coastlines & stunning wildlife, it's mish-mash of cultures.....everything. 'Not so' you may say, 'that would imply that you love the corrupt government officials, hijackers & murderers.' Yes, you are right it does imply that & even though I might not love those elements of our society they are as South African as I am.

In church on Sunday we sang the national anthem. I love our national anthem, it fills me with pride every time I sing it. We then prayed for our country. We prayed for the very same corrupt government officials, hijackers & murderers I mentioned above.

The point I am trying to make is that patriotism or South Africaness it is not something that we can invent a KPI for…….but…….

I have spent almost my entire adult life trying not to be defined by my race. My race is irrelevant to me but in SA race is everything. I have been told on numerous occasions that because my forefathers came here from another land that I am not truly South African. I am nothing more than an immigrant in these peoples eyes. I apparently have a homeland & can go “back” there if things get out of hand in SA. Excuse my French maar is hierdie mense befok!?

I was born in this land, my father was born in this land & his father tolled in the dusty soil to make a life for his family. I can’t go to my so-called homeland & live there, I’ve never even been there, I don’t even speak their language! I can’t eat their food or enjoy their music & you know why that is? It’s because I am SOUTH AFRICAN!

I braai boerewors & eat it with pap en sous, I snack on biltong & mopani worms. I laugh at the comedy of Barry Hilton, Marc Lottering & David Kau. I scream when Bafana Bafana scores a goal, the Bokke score a try, the Proteas become no.1 or when our athletes win gold. I know that it’s not a pick-up truck but a bakkie & that a taxi is not a yellow sedan with a light on the roof. I say ja not yeah & I say bru not mate. Why do I do this? Because I am SOUTH AFRICAN!

All of this could mean nothing because, like I said earlier South Africaness & patriotism are not things that can be easily measured. Aussie-bashing may not make me patriotic & eating biltong might not make me more South African but South Africa IS my homeland. I was born & bred here & even though people have different definitions for these terms, by my measurements (the ones that count) I know that I am a South African & a patriot.

11 Comments

My SatNav hates highways

Posted by Jayo on Tuesday, 18 August 2009 in Digital Blogs

Eish!

I am absolutely useless when it comes to directions so when I bought the Garmin Nuvi I thought my days of getting lost in Jo'burg were over. I couldn't have been more wrong. My SatNav seems to have something against highways.

When I go to my sisters place in Midrand I know that I must take the Olifantsfontein offramp & her house is 2 minutes away. Mr. Garmin however has other ideas & tries to get me off the N1 at every possible opportunity, when I ignore him he promptly says "recalculating" & tries to get me to take the next turnoff. Now I know this seems impossible but every time he recalculates his voice gets more frustrated as if he is getting angry with me. I have to remind him that he is merely a piece of plastic with a circuit board for brains & that I can toss him out the window at any point.

Another example is the N17 to Secunda. Mr. Garmin refuses to use this route & tries to take me on Mpumalanga's pothole filled back roads. Does he really think that I want to drive through Devon?

I once followed his advice to see if I would indeed reach my destination in a shorter amount of time but it actually took me 45 minutes longer with all the traffic lights that caught me. I have tried changing the avoidance settings but this doesn't help. I mean is it that hard to understand that I just want to take the turnoff that is closest to my destination?

Am I the only one experiencing this problem or is it a common occurrence? I don't know but in my personal opinion satellite navigation is a load of bollocks.

6 Comments

LMAO

Posted by Jayo on Wednesday, 12 August 2009 in Digital Blogs

New Preamble to the Australian Constitution

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Woman

Posted by Jayo on Tuesday, 11 August 2009 in Digital Blogs

Ladies & Gents,

With woman’s day having taken place this past Sunday I thought I should devote this blog to the woman in my life.

Firstly my mother, more than a mother, she has had to be both mum & dad to 3 kids. She grew up poor with 11 siblings in a 2 bedroom house. She lost her husband at a young age. She has had cancer twice & as a side affect of the chemo therapy now has diabetes. She has been through so much & yet she is still the rock of our family. She is an inspiration.

My wife, Natasha, is as close to perfection as you can get. She is beautiful, both inside & out, intelligent, a good wife, a great mother & as an added bonus she is an excellent cook. Very few people have the ability to do it all without succumbing to emotional stress. She manages a career, motherhood, studying, being a wife & taking care of our home with ease. She is absolutely amazing. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve a woman like her. I must have done something right in a previous life.

My daughter, Shaanlee, has brought so much of joy to my life. I had my reservations & doubts before she was born mostly because I grew up without a father & wondered if I would be a good one but all those fears dissipated when the nurse put her in my arms & she looked up at me. I knew immediately that I was going to be the best dad alive. When I’ve had a tough day at work, I go home & she immediately smiles when she sees me & all my worries & all the stresses of that day vanish into oblivion.

My sisters, Trudy & Katherine, have had very different impacts on my life. Trudy is 10 years older than me & was the one who took care of Kats & I when my mum was at work. She taught us & guided us, especially through the teenage years. Just like my mum she has also had a lot of tragedy in her life. She lost both her kids & her husband in a fire. Most of us thought that she would not be able to go on but she has proved us all wrong. I admire her strength & courage………...she must get those traits from my mother.

Kats is only 2 years younger than me & because of that we tended to move in the same circles, go to the same parties etc. We caught on a lot of kak when we were young & covered up for each other on more than one occasion but we were not afraid to let each other know when we felt things were getting out of hand. She is the reason why my daughter will never be an only child. I cannot imagine what my childhood would have been like without her. I always had someone to play with & even though we fought like Kats & dogs we were the best of friends.

My mother-in-law, Tersia is an amazing woman. She is young at heart & has the most infectious laugh. She grew up in an impoverished part of Port Elizabeth & always dreamt of getting out of her disadvantaged situation. She like so many others in her neighborhood married young but fell victim to an abusive husband. She refused to become another statistic & did not want her daughters growing up in that environment & repeating the cycle of despair. She packed her things & moved far away to start a new life. She has achieved so much since then. She got a job, educated herself & bought herself a car & a house. She also remarried. Her husband, my father in law, is the complete opposite of her ex-husband. He is a man I revere & respect & whom I consider to be the dad I never had. In fact every aspect about her life now is a complete turnaround from what it was in PE.

My sister-in-law, Tiffany is a young woman but is already fiercely independent & headstrong. In an age where it is all too easy to fall victim to the temptations of teenage sex & drugs she has shown what can be achieved when you stick to your beliefs.

As you can see I have many strong woman in my life, woman who have risen through adversity & came out on top. I love these women & respect them even more. I also have a young daughter, who has plenty of good role models. With all these strong woman to look up to in her life I have no doubt that she will grow up to be a great woman.

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Anonymity

Posted by Jayo on Wednesday, 22 July 2009 in Digital Blogs

Citizens,

My last blog has made me realise that anonymity is a valuable asset in the virtual world. After that blog I learned that there are more than a few Sasolians residing in myDL. I know some of them but not all of them & this is worrying. I could walk by these people or I could even be chatting with them at the coffee machine & they would know all about me & my antics & I would have no idea that they know anything about me. This puts me at a distinct disadvantage.

Sometimes we can't always express our opinions in real life. You might be afraid that someone might consider you insensitive or it just might not be appropriate. The face we put on for the world to see & the person we actually are, are two different people & anonymous blogging allows you to be yourself without having the stress of someone judging you.

I have learnt my lesson on anonymity.

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My wife has discovered my dirty little secret.

Posted by Jayo on Wednesday, 15 July 2009 in Digital Blogs

Guys ‘n Gals,

I have been requested to retract an earlier blog I wrote about American reality TV shows as it has been deemed offensive by some. The ‘some’ I am referring to is, of course my wife.

She typed my name in Google & low & behold my DL blogs popped up. She read the above-mentioned blog & came to the conclusion that I was calling her stupid for all the web to see. This was not the case. I actually praised my wife & complimented her. I merely stated that her love for reality shows is beyond me. In a similar vein my hate for Australia is beyond her but she still loves me.

She told me that if I did not apologise in the form of a blog on my DL, she would create a profile called Jai George’s Wife & lambaste me on a daily basis. So here it comes. Natasha, I am sorry love, you are not stupid.

The whole matter also alerted Natasha to another point of concern. It was so easy for her to find me on the web. What if I happened to work for an Australian boss someday & he read my blog on Oz? I would be fired on the spot. I have thus decided to kill Jai George & create Jayo.

Fairwell Jai.

14 Comments

Does The Car Maketh The Man?

Posted by Jayo on Tuesday, 07 July 2009 in Digital Blogs

Mense,

I am just like any other bloke. I love cars, cabs, jammy’s, rides, shorts, hoopty’s, sets of wheels, 4 bangers or whatever else you want to call them. I like looking at them, reading about their specs & driving them but there is one thing I don’t like........owning them.

My mum bought me a brand new, out of the box, Tazz when I was in Matric & I thought I was the $hit. In the little town where I grew up not many boys my age had a set of wheels, most just stole their parents’ cars & drove them around while their parents were at work. My mum owned her own business & provided me with petrol money & maintained the car. I never had to worry about anything, all was taken care off. When I finished Matric I went off to Pretoria to study but ended up doing more drinking than studying. My mum relegated me back home & sent me to the local Technikon. This did not help as now I was with my old school buddies & the jol really started.

The party ended very abruptly though. My mum told me that I was wasting my time & her money & told me to go and find a job. I got a job at ABSA as a teller earning R2000 a month. This event coincided with my mothers business taking a turn for the worse. Her business failed & she had to close up shop. She told me that I would have to pay for the car myself as she could no longer afford it. The car installments were R1100, petrol a month R600. I was screwed. I had no life. I could barely afford to get a haircut let alone go out for drinks.

I had to get rid of the car. It was sucking me dry. However, the reality of life in SA is that public transport is not all that reliable & a car is very much a necessity. Due to this fact I bought myself an Uno. This was also a nightmare because it constantly needed to be fixed, the money for which I did not possess. I could not wait to get rich, I thought of all the nice cars I could afford.

I have had many cars since then & they have all cost me in some way or another but they all taught me a valuable lesson. I spent a couple of years in England where I used public transport everyday & loved it. This is when I realized that I did not love owning cars. I still watch motoring shows like Top Gear & follow the F1 religiously but when it comes to owning a car I only have two requirements: It must be cheap & it must be reliable. The Tazz, like many other Toyota's was overpriced & the Uno, like many other Italian cars (Sorry OS) was unreliable. Maybe I am getting old, I am a married man with a child & boot space is now more important than a boot spoiler. I am now driving a Nissan Almera, solid, reliable & cheap to maintain. Boring? Maybe but it gets the job done.

I still look at beautiful cars & admire the technology in others but do I envy their owners? No. His R400 000 car will be worth R130 000 in just 5 years. It will lose between 20 to 25% of its value the moment it is driven of the showroom floor. A good rule of thumb on car depreciation is to figure anywhere from 10-20% loss each year on the vehicle. Now, if you buy a car that is 3 years old, most of the value has already depreciated, and it is nothing to worry about.

OS’s blog “Get your BENZ 'coz your'e broke 'till you got one!!!” is the truest piece of literature yet. Is my success as a man measured by the car I drive? I am now in the financial position to afford those cars I used to dream of but am I going to buy them? No. I have grown up. I have invested in my family’s future & that right there is the real measure of a man.

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So Like Totally

Posted by Jayo on Thursday, 18 June 2009 in Digital Blogs

Boys & Girls

My wife, god bless her, is a wonderful woman. I love her & she fulfills me to no end but there is just one thing that makes absolutely no sense to me.......she absolutely loves the reality drivel on the E! entertainment channel & TSN.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind a little reality TV once in a while but it must be at least a little bit mentally stimulating. Shows like 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' & 'Candy Girls' just do not make sense to me. How do these shows manage to stay on the air? Their ratings are obviously good & the shows producers must be making a profit.

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The islands gonna sink, mate!

Posted by Jayo on Wednesday, 10 June 2009 in Digital Blogs

Peeps,

There are two schools of thought on my hatred for all things Australian. I am either fiercely patriotic or a very sore loser. I will share my story & you can decide.

It all began about 9 years ago. It was a wonderful time for the Australian sporting fraternity as they had won numerous competitions including the Rugby & Cricket World Cups. I was watching a build up show to a Tri-Nations match & the South African interviewer had a studio guest from Australia. The Aussy soon brought up the fact that Australia were an all conquering nation & even went on to say that the island was so heavy from all the trophies they had collected that it was about to sink.

That was my first glimpse at how full of themselves, Australians were. As the years went by & they became more successful they became even more boastful. As if their arrogance wasn't enough they began ridiculing SA. I hated the sheep-shagging buggers with a passion. Not only do they beat us in cricket & rugby, the bloody Socceroos beat Bafana Bafana too......who the hell knew they could even play soccer???!!! I started hating all things Australian. Nothing good has ever come out of Australia.....a good example is Kylie Minogue.....whats up with that? Let me not even start with their wildlife, OZ has the weirdest looking creatures on earth. If you want to see real wildlife in all its majestic glory go to the Pilanesburg, mate! But the absolute worst must be the fact that they made an entire movie about Australia with the title………wait for it……AUSTRALIA!

In recent years though, South Africa have made a comeback. We won the Rugby World Cup, an SA team has won the super 14, the Proteas are now the best cricket team in the world & even Bafana have improved. The Aussies have now gone quiet.

The cricketing world, in particular are reveling at the fact that the mighty Australia are no longer so mighty. The big difference between us & them is not the fact that we don't shag sheep but rather that we are humble in victory & defeat. When we thrashed them in the recent test series down under we didn't brag at length about it. We were proud, obviously but there was nothing excessive about our celebrations. Ricky Ponting on the other hand blamed everyone from the Pope to Barrack Obama for their loss.

You can imagine my complete, unadulterated joy when Sri Lanka knocked the buggers out of the ICC world T20, yet true to my South African nature ' ek het myself ingehou.' I will leave the taunting to the English media. Here are a few examples of what has been said in their newspapers:

"Even Ireland make the Super 8s but Ricky's boys crash out as wallybies."
"What do you call an Aussie at the Twenty20? A spectator."
"Since they touched down in England 12 days ago, Australia's tour has gone exactly according to plan... England's plan."
"The Aussies now have two weeks to fill before the Ashes tour begins. So throw another shrimp on the barbie, Ricky!"
"Ricky Ponting won a dream holiday after Australia were knocked out of the World Twenty20 - a fortnight in Leicester."

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